The Irresistibly of Disinterest

I’m 28 years old, mostly sane, slowly getting my pre-baby frame back, and single. At this point in my emotional rebuilding, though, I want so little to do with the male species that I considered proclaiming lesbianism to curtail advances. However, I know how childish and irresponsible that would be this day and age, so I haven’t and wont.

Aside from the fact that any interest in the opposite sex is limited, those who have declared interest have done so in a way that’s annoyingly pushy. Given my post partum hormones and a little bit of angered baggage for my now adopted son’s father, I would think there was a floating red flag over my head. Why would a man think this was an opportune time to seek my attention? It seems reckless to me. I mean, I see being anxious for my attention in this delicate part of my life like hopscotching through a North Korean mine field. How much value do you put on yourself to do something so ridiculous…NOW of all times?

I like knowing that people care about me, especially when I’m dealing with feeling kind of alone. But feeling alone does NOT translate to wanting a boyfriend or to date for that matter. I just separated from the flesh and blood epitome of love and cuteness….does it really seem like a good time to impose your manly wants, desires, hopes, dreams, and whatever else on me? I’m trying very hard to get myself straight and yet I have to play diplomatic word games so not to hurt the feelings of guys that I’ve explained myself upwards of twelve times to.

I’m weird right now.

I don’t want to be bothered.

I have a lot on my plate.

There’s things I need to take care of.

Can I just breathe for a minute!?

Whether in diary detail or in aggravated bursts, I don’t see that these particular people have gotten the point. I’ve literally explained in tears and the guy glazed right over it to say (in short), “So, when will you be ready?”

Note, i introduced my mental quality as “mostly sane”…I’m debating whether or not these three individuals were put in my path to test the true boundaries of my sanity after going through emotional purgatory for the last several months. I stopped answering phone calls, replying to texts, and this became a cue to change approaches instead of showing up as a sign of disinterest. I don’t want to be mean to anyone. I really don’t. But when someone is so interested in their own idea of fulfilment that they overlook distressed conditions in another person, there are few ways to react. It’s hard to do anything other than be mean when someone can be willfully ignorant for the sake of self interest. And I’m hitting that point.

In none of these cases did it seem like “I want to be there for you”….the sense I got was that “I’m not finding what I want anywhere else and you’re still single, so I’m gonna wait. Right here. Til you cave. K?”

If I have a fault that makes men with this personality type attracted to me more than guys who show less signs of clinginess, I would like to know what it is. Pronto. I don’t care if it’s a severe psychological flaw, I’d like to find and fix it. Because I’m not out-of-the-box enough to figure out a second meaning to the word “no” and then approach these fully capable adults with the kid gloves needed to teach and instil that meaning.

I’m single, but a ways from being available….


2 thoughts on “The Irresistibly of Disinterest

  1. wackyadorablefamily says:

    If you say your a lesbian you’ll just start getting advances from lesbians. And boy, do those guys need a clue!

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